It’s Been Too Long

Posted: July 9, 2012 in Uncategorized

I often try remind myself to post here, but thing something happens and I forget. So my apologies there to anyone following along at home. I was trying to read back and see how long it’s been since I’ve posted, so I could catch folks up. The short answer: it’s been too long. So much has happened. I survived my first full year of teaching 7th graders. They all passed, although some of them with trepidation on my part. I got myself through the first full year of my masters program, with only 4 classes and my thesis left. I’ve taken in a friend’s dog for a while, and he’s just a super good dog. I’ve seen weddings, new babies and saw the sadness of people passing. I’ve been thrilled by the world, felt let down. Been overwhelmed by human interaction and felt desperately lonely. I just hope I’ve learned something.

Like right now…I’m learning that I can combat the loneliness with writing.

I’m not afraid to say that there are things in this world that frighten me and perpetual loneliness is one of them. I certainly did this to myself this time, but I think I wanted to believe I was more capable of handling it. That I was more stable. I think the older I get (there’s one thing I missed…I turned 28), the more I realize that stability is possibly a myth and that my attempts to create it on my own certainly are. I’m so good and trying to make it happen on my own that it often doesn’t. I’m terrible at trusting my unseen God.

Yes, sure, we can rationalize that I’m just a man and that I–like all men–am weak, that I have flaws. And you’d be right. And I don’t intend to make them go away. I just realize more and more that I’m not going to get where I want to be–where I believe I’m supposed to be–unless I do better with that I have now. It hurts to trust, because it means letting go, something I’m terrible at following through with. But I’m tired of the results I get on my own. I need a push, though. So if you read this and you’re willing to, go ahead and push as hard as you think I need.

God bless,

Robert

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