30 (blogs) for (turning) 30: Day 5: Reconstruction

Posted: April 18, 2014 in Uncategorized

I hinted yesterday as to where today’s entry might be going; so in case you missed that, I’ll give you a moment to go back and see what the hint might have been. I’ll wait…


Okay, so now that we’re all on the same page, let’s just say this: I’m getting myself a birthday present this year, and the gift is that I’m quitting online dating. I’ve tried giving it up before, but I’ve always ventured back into the safety net of the routine of daily matches or checking on all the people who are near me. My response is not because I’ve suddenly decided that the online dating scene is a horrible thing in and of itself. I’m doing this because I think I need to do something to force me out of my comfort zone.

I initially became enamored with the process just after college, when it occurred to me that college was a breeding ground for relationships of all kinds, and that this sort of easy cultivation of meeting people and seeing relationships bloom and grow was gone forever and I needed another option. When I started (let’s say 2005-06 or so), the concept was still new, and still carried with it the stigmas of being frequented by creepy people who couldn’t foster relationships naturally and to succumb to the internet to meet their relational needs. Over time, those things have dissipated, but I believe that they’ve given way to creating a new kind of monster: the lazy dater.

It really doesn’t take much effort. I have to look at profiles. I have to look at photos. I have to decide if I’m interested. Then I have to make contact. It’s all essentially a passive process, which is great for someone like me, who, as we already discussed, isn’t much for conversations with strangers I haven’t been introduced to. And while I think it’s the concept is fantastic, I have come to the conclusion that it might be symptomatic of my greater issue, which is that I lean on my introversion crutch and refuse to stand up straight. It’s time, after 30 years, to finally go out and tackle something head on rather than just hoping it might come to me. To settle into my life rather than always waiting for my phone to tell me that I have a message from a person I don’t even know, but have been inexplicably spent a day full of thoughts hoping would message.

So I’m going to give up the process for a while. Who knows, maybe I’ll go back if I continue to find the pool to be empty out in the real world (to be fair, it’s not like either method has been particularly successful during this period); but for now, I think this is the best gift I can give myself. The gift of permission to be a little bolder, to take risks and try something, even if it’s terrifying.


God bless,


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